daybreakacademy | (no subject)

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Network, 7/15

[Shit, this is something she's not sure on how it's going to go, which is exactly why she's remaining on text so she can make sure it's... something.] Yeah, I know, you're all probably sick of me making network posts at this point. I get it.

But I've got some shit to say so maybe hear me out for a minute or something? I dunno, I'm not your parent and can't make you do shit.

So, like, I've fucked up. A lot. Around here. Hell, not even just here, but that's a story for another time entirely. Went... or well, been going through some shit, know that doesn't excuse jackshit but I'm willing to at least try to explain in private if you want the actual reason for that shit. But, uh, yeah. Shit's been out of line and I'm kinda trying to fix it? It's... you know, a process, so it's sure as fuck not gonna be overnight, but I'm fuckin' trying here.

Take it or leave it, I don't expect anyone to do anything, that's up to you or whatever. Also, uh, wouldn't mind looking for an actual sparring partner if someone would be down for that. Either straight up hand-to-hand without adding anything or with enhanced shit if you don't mind Stone Free's extra bit of power.

Legionnaire Quarters

Most probably would have expected to find Jolyne over at the Mythril Cage instead of here, but she's been kind of missing just being left alone and able to be in the water. The beach is going to be crowded and she's not too interested in dealing with people there that are just hanging about.

She's not too hard to find since she's just using the pool for what just doing laps and she sure doesn't seem to notice anyone around unless they want to make their presence known. Her familiar is nowhere to be seen at this point and she's actually wearing something pretty damn modest for her. A rarity, certainly.

Lum 203, closed to Toki, 7/23

How the hell she found out this quickly that Toki was back on campus is mostly questionable, but between her trying to figure her own shit out and wanting to see how he was doing, it was inevitable that she'd end up in front of this door. Again.

For an entirely different reason than the last time.

Taking a deep breath she lightly knocks on the door, shifting her weight between her feet in a small bit of a nervous habit. Something she hadn't really noticed before but it'd been happening far more frequently now that she'd intended for it to.

Where this conversation would go, she wasn't too sure, but it was better to get some things finally said than actually gingerly dance out of the way of them and be as vague as possible.

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Toki expects the visitor is for Yuya, so he's slower to open the door. When he does, he's holding a black cat who yawns and looks annoyed that her nap was disturbed.

"Jolyne!" it's a good surprise, and he steps back to let her inside. "I'm glad you stopped by! How are you!?"

He'd spent yesterday mostly trying to sort things out with Maverick, and it was exhausting. Today would be better.

Cats, man.

She doesn't get to watch that cat for long once Toki's talking and she's managing a small smile of her own, at least there's some semblance of normal here. Or, well, as normal as anything in her life can really be. "Better than I was before. Lots of shit's happened since you've been out." She'll just use that term instead of 'in the hospital' or whatever.

But she's going to head inside with a soft bit of a hum, she can keep this together. And keep to her points. Whether or not it remains calm and collected is yet to be seen. "More importantly, how're you doing since getting back?"

Toki doesn't want to bring up anything that came from Jolyne's decision to maim someone, but he does wonder how it's affecting her; the aftermath. He will let her choose the subjects and not question things until she's ready.

He deposits the cat on top of his desk. Kuroko can fend for herself for a while. Toki grabs Yuya's desk chair and slides it over for Jolyne before occupying his own.

"I'm... I don't know. I think I'm doing better, but things are still confusing sometimes and it's hard," he's just going to be honest.

It might be sooner than he thinks it might be, but for now she's going to take that chair and just rub at her face for a moment. Something's very clearly on her mind, but she'll take his answer first and let it go from there. A lot safer and she's become pretty aware that she likes to make shit about herself if she's not careful about it.

"Not surprised, honestly, but I'm sure it'll fall into place soon enough? Like, people are always going to be confusing and difficult no matter what you do. Or, well, that's my experience with people most of the time. You'll figure it out, I know you will." What the hell, Jolyne.

He's doing better, which is the important part. The part she wanted to make sure of or she was going to have some choice words for those doctors.

"I... kinda wanted to give you a status update on stuff? Things are... better than they were before, still working on it, but it's at least a start? Shit got... kind of crazy and alarming, you know?"

"Yeah, I'm working on it," a genuine smile comes with that. He has hope.

Though, he's more concerned with her for the moment. Jolyne is oddly subdued, like he's become, and he worries about her. Her update makes that worry fade just a little.

"I'm glad things are better for you, even if it's just a start. That's the most important part; it really is," and he believes this. Everything goes from there, the moment you realize. "I do know; you get to this point where you're almost afraid of yourself, like it's all out of your control. When you recognize that, you're already making progress. I'm proud of you."

Almost afraid of yourself... That's exactly how she'd describe it, feeling like you had control until something goes wrong and you go way too far, only to realize it once it's happened. Like you don't control your own body and have no idea what little thing might set you off next. She's taking a deep breath and shifting somewhat, mostly to cross her arms under her chest. It's more of a move to give her some feeling of comfort, not that she'd ever admit it out loud.

"I still have a long way to go, but I'm hoping that I'll figure it out fully at some point. Kinda hard when you've turned down basically any kind of help for years." Whether you wanted the help or not.

This is a bummer of a topic, though. "Also realized I was... really fuckin' vague with you back there. You, uh, hear anything or wanted be to elaborate on stuff? Probably better to talk about this shit, right?"

Jolyne! It's Ruby!
I hope you're recovered now? :(
If you ever wanna talk, you can send me a message. I'll be here.

He turned down help at first too, before he'd even gone too far in the months afterward. When he didn't even know he needed help.

"It's never too late to try."

That, he's uncertain about. He thinks Jolyne's issues mostly stem from being hurt in the past and lashing out in ways she thought gave her more control. It's different for him, he thinks, and he doesn't want to give her advice that may not work for her.

He's curious about what happened, but he won't ask. He won't take control of the conversation from her; it's what some people try to do with him and hates it.

"I don't need to know if you don't want to tell me. It's your choice who you want to talk about it with."

Depends on what you mean on recovered. Physically? Yeah. The other shit? Working on it.

I don't even know what to really say, honestly??? So dunno if that's actually useful right now? But thanks.

Physically, yeah. Glad to hear that, at least!

It's ok! I just wanted to let you know the offer's open.
I'm glad to hear from you again! :)

Goddammit, Toki, that's not what she was trying to do. Maybe she should... clarify things a little, she doesn't really do the whole conversations thing well and it's more comfortable to not be leading it.

"Oh fuck, dude, that's not... what I asked that for. I just don't wanna burden you with something if you don't wanna hear it? I don't mind talking about it, just kinda giving you an out if you don't wanna hear that shit." Really, she knows he has a lot going on and she doesn't think it's fair to just dump shit on him like this. Her problems are her own and he can totally tell her he doesn't want to hear it and she'll leave it at that.

This got more awkward than she meant for it to be.

Thought after everything you wouldn't wanna say shit to me or hear from my stupid ass.

So, seriously, thanks? Fuck, I'm bad at this.

Nah, I knew you were going through a hard time. So it's ok! No hard feelings, right?

I'm just glad you're feeling better.

Yeah. Weirdly enough, I don't tend to hold that many grudges even before all this shit?

Something something at school to learn something something? Not what I expected to fuckin' learn here, though.

"I'm sorry. I misread you. I shouldn't have made assumptions about what I thought you wanted. That was inconsiderate."

He interpreted this wrong, and he'll try and remember this conversation to analyze the mistake later on.

"You wouldn't be burdening me. I do want to know what happened, and how you feel, if you're willing to discuss it with me."

"... It's fine. I'm not exactly too good at making that shit clear." She really isn't and she absolutely knows she isn't.

Where to even start with this shit? "So, uh. Let's start with the tongue thing since it's the most recent, I guess? Dunno if you remember me mentioning the ex boyfriend prick that put me in prison before? But that was who it was. I went home to legit visit my mom and ended up tracking that shithead down and cutting his tongue out. Because... at the time, if he couldn't tell the truth and was going to use his tongue for saying pretty things and lie, then he didn't deserve to be able to have one." Which made sense to her at the time, now it just sounds kinda psychotic.

"The... other thing. The person I ended up jumping was that Keith dude, the one that I slapped during prom? Yeah, him. Fucked his shoulder up, was going to beat the ever-loving shit out of him with Stone Free, he defended himself by using some fire shit to get me to back off." Gods, does she even explain why she did that.

"... I did that because I didn't like how he acted towards you and that maybe doing that would get him to fuck off and leave you alone. Which, I kinda see now, was more just me be selfish as fuck."

She's going silent and looking down at her hands, cat's already kind of out of the bag at this point. "Because you mean more to me than I thought you ever would. I don't expect anything in return, I'm broken as hell and fucked up as hell and no one deserves to deal with that kind of shit. So, like, I dunno. Felt I needed to say that, though."

Toki waits for her to say all she has to. It's hard not to interrupt, but it's important not to. He counts on his fingers to make sure he will address everything when she's finished. But as she finishes, it's with words that make him cry. He's immediately going to hug her; she feels the same way he does about himself.

"You mean a lot to me too, Jolyne. I don't care if you're broken; it doesn't mean you're worthless."

His thoughts on the incidents can wait for now.

A hug is entirely not what she expected the reaction would be and the moment she's caught up in that she can feel a knot in her throat. She's not an emotional type, or so she tries to tell herself. But there's something about this that has her shifting to cling tightly to him and just bury her face against him. She's totally not crying, that shaking is something else entirely.

He doesn't care if she's broken. She's not worthless.

Those are words she hadn't thought she'd ever hear in this context and there's just something about them that makes everything up to now worth it, in a strange sense.

Nor is she keen to let go any time soon.

He's not going to draw attention to her crying. She has pride or something like it. He just holds her tighter.

"It will be okay. I may take a long time, but I'll be here with you."

It may be a lie; for all his power, he can't predict anything that matters.

Pride is a strange thing and she likes to pretend she's stronger than she actually is in these matters. But after a moment or two she's slowly calming down and finally looking up again. It's pretty obvious she was crying a bit there, but she's not going to address that.

"You're saying that like it's going to be easier for me." There's almost an underlying hint of a joke there, she knows none of this shit is easy on either of them. But it'll be... fine, eventually. Maybe.

If they don't end up dying before that happens.

"I'm... kinda at a loss for what to do now." She's had boyfriends and shit before, which is where she's kind of assuming is where they're sort of at now. But this is entirely different from all those other times. This isn't some sort of vain attempt to get attention, to fill some kind of gap left there by another, it's more... real than that. Which makes her far more cautious than any other time.

"I didn't mean it that way. It might get easier, but it might not. You might find after you fix one thing, there's something else you didn't know about because it was hidden by the first thing. It's... not something that can be predicted, getting better. Letting go of things."

He pulls away from the hug, but stays close.

"It's okay to be lost, and not know what you want. It took me a long time to understand that."

That makes a hell of a lot more sense than what she thought he had meant. Especially when it's something that's been there for... a good chunk of your life, which is damn well what she knows all of this is. "I guess you're right." Her voice is soft, calm, different from normal but not unpleasantly so.

"It's just kinda weird, I've sort of been in these situations before so it's not like... I don't know what I'm doing? Just that now it feels different from all of that. Not a bad different, but different." There's nothing bad about it at all, is what she's getting at. "Also how fucking awkward is this going to get if your roommate ends up coming back now." That is completely a joke to try and lighten things up a little.

She's been in these situations before? He's a bit confused, thinking she's still talking about her behavioral issues.

"Why would it be awkward? Yuya knows all abou- Oh! Oh! That's... Uhh..."

He did not pick up on that.

"If that's where this is going, yeah, we should uhh... take precautions."

With that, he retrieves one of Yuya's hideous ties from the closet.

"I don't know if he'd get the 'tie on the doorknob' thing, but..."

Not exactly where she was going with that, but you know what, the gauntlet has been thrown and she's not one to back down from a supposed challenge.

This is going to be horrible for everyone involved and probably not be spoken of again.

Slowly she's raising a brow as he's grabbing that tie and biting back a small bit of a laugh. "If he doesn't and he ends up in a weird situation, then he'll sure as shit learn what it means, right? This is a school, after all."

I'm new here, so I have no clue who you are, but I've never backed down from even a potential fight for millennia and I don't intend to start now!

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Lum 203

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un: scythemaster3000

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UN:Dogbackwards