[This is hell. He has finally died and gone to hell. He deserves it, but he didn't think it would come this soon. Or ever.]

[He groans]

I don't know. Some kind of curse on it or something? I didn't put it on the thing, just ripped off a piece that was already there.

[He doesn't even want to think about the state he'd be in if he'd gotten the whole thing.]

And considering that I feel like I'm vomiting up the majority of my insides, I'd rate this a solid "god awful."