Everything is fine~! (open)

[yokeye]

WHO: Tokidoki Rikugou, you
WHAT: He's getting help - awkward discussions, go! / Also functions as general open post
WHEN: Mid-February-ish
WHERE: Various? The therapists' office? Who knows?
NOTES: Likely descriptions of death and dismemberment. Assorted other unsavory things.

Therapy - [Semi-Open] -

Toki admitted to himself he needed to see someone after having a panic attack in front of Ekkehardt over Orihime's phone call, and fainting in Ky's class a couple of days later. Then Rex happened on the Outlands field trip and he came back a little broken, but more determined to get it together.

So, anyone who has witnessed panic attacks, disturbing behavior, whatever else he's done that's concerning* since the Tea Party- now's the time to discuss it. An hour with whoever about whatever. Lycans must be accompanied by someone, otherwise it's optional whether a third person is needed to facilitate things. Group threads if you desire. Assumption is he's been seeing counselors/psychiatrists/whatever the school has since the 5th (and taking sedatives). He isn't as immediately panicked beyond control at the littlest thing anymore (and better off for later dates in the month).

* dissociative 'what is reality' things and some nihilistic viewpoints are unrelated to werewolf trauma


Freespace - [Open] -

Anything else with anyone else. During all of February. Plot on Plurk/Discord if you want, or just start something and surprise me.

Comments

Freespace

[hippocarnival]

Yuya doesn't have anything he feels he needs to get off his chest with Toki, but he does hear that Toki is talking to the counselor and Yuya's relieved he's getting help.

He waits a few days after he hears about it, and then when he's sitting in front if Tsuyukusa's tank, Kuroko in his lap he cranes his head back to look at Toki and ask.

"Is your therapy going okay?"

[yokeye]

Toki looks away from the window. Yuya asks it so casually, like it's so easy to talk about. Toki doesn't have anything to compare it to; maybe it's going like it should, maybe it's not.

"I guess~! I think so~!?"

He doesn't elaborate; it's hard to explain the feelings and even harder to stop immediately going with that fake excited persona. He joins Yuya on the floor though, and pets Kuroko.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you~, before when you..."

He trails off and keeps petting the cat. He's apologizing for things that happened like a month ago; it's taken him this long to start dealing with it and it's kind of awkward.

[hippocarnival]

Yuya shakes his head. "I'm just glad you're talking to someone now. It's not the kind of thing you can really deal with alone, you know?"

He scratches along their cat's back. "Having an animal you can cuddle helps, too."

[yokeye]

"It's still hard to talk about." He may have spent the first couple of sessions just crying and freaking out.

"Yeah, Kuroko was a good idea~!"

Even if Yuya got stuck basically taking care of her. She's soft and warm and he wonders why he never got a cat before.

[hippocarnival]

Probably the same reason Yuya's stuck taking care of her. Kuroko stretches, and Yuys flinches briefly when her claws dig into his leg through his pants.

"They probably told you this, but... it's normally hard at first, and then it gets easier as you get better."

[yokeye]

"You think it will?"

It's easier to talk when he's preoccupied with Kuroko and not paying as much attention to Yuya. A sudden irrational thought occurs to him and he panics a little, but that should stop soon. Maybe.

"You can't fail therapy, can you!?"

Because if you can, he will. He has no doubt.

[hippocarnival]

"Uh--" Yuya leans back a little. "I don't think so? It's not like a class..."

He supposes the therapy can fail, but he's not about to fill Toki's head with that kind of doubt when he's just finally started getting help.

"You just need to take it one step at a time."

[yokeye]

"Yes! That's what they say! But what if it takes too long and I give up!? That's a very real possibility here! How long should it take? Not that long, right!? It's just talking and some other stuff, it's not that hard, why is it so hard!?"

His fingers clench a bit too hard in Kuroku's fur. He's really trying, but he doesn't have a good track record with anything going right ever.

[hippocarnival]

Kuroko lets out a hiss, clawing harder against Yuya as she tries to squirm away. Yuya moves to try and pry Toki's hands off her, out of interest to not be scratched up.

"Ow, ow--Hey, you've only just started right? This is something that happens gradually. Even if it takes a long time, the you in two months will already be better than the you now. And then two months after that. You can't give up this quickly!"

[yokeye]

As Yuya detaches his fingers from the cat, Toki realizes what he's doing and pulls his hand back.

"I'm sorry, Kuroko!"

This is why he's never had a cat. Yuya's words are far from what he wants to hear. A slow progress measured in two month intervals. He can't even think that far ahead at the best of times. It seems an unreachable distant point completely removed from anything at present. He leaves Kuroko to Yuya and stands by the window again. After a couple of minutes, he ventures to ask a very important question.

"What's it like to be happy?"

What if he does this, makes it the whole way through, and then there's nothing?

"Will it really be worth it?"

[hippocarnival]

Kuroko dashes out of Yuya's lap and into the bathroom to hide. Yuya rubs his leg, but he's pretty sure he's not bleeding.

He looks up when Toki speaks, pausing. Then he offers a soft, certain smile.

"It's worth it to not feel so scared all the time."

[yokeye]

"You seem pretty sure of that~! Guess it must be true~!"

He doesn't mean it, but he tries to look excited over it anyway. He's said too much about what he's really feeling already. Though maybe that in itself was some kind of progress.

[hippocarnival]

"Well..." Yuya tilts his head, glancing sideways for a moment. It's not exactly a huge secret, if he's not going into too many details. Maybe some solidarity would help Toki after all.

He shrugs. "I've been there before, so I know what it feels like... and I don't think I'd like where I'd be if I didn't have help."

Therapy

[bejustorbedead]

Between dealing with a few lingering spirits around the church in Soliel, and classroom duties, Ky didn't have much time to more than pass by Toki in the halls and going over the classroom materials, but when he had the free time, and the young man seem like he was in the mood to talk, he quietly checks in on the young man.

"Rikugou, how are you holding up?"

2/2

[leekspins]

[She's still pretty exhausted from the events of the past few days. Running into Ginshu on Thursday, and then Peter's uncle on Friday night. Using her power to undo whatever process had twisted Ben into that ghastly monster had completely wiped her out, and the only reason she's up right now is because her stomach is howling for food.]

[As a result, she's pretty groggy when she literally bumps into Toki at the cafeteria, her shoulder against his arm, and she has to actively resist the temptation to just keep leaning.]

Good morning...

[It's five in the afternoon.]

I'm glad I found you. There's a lot I need to talk to you about.

[She yawns against her hand before shoveling sandwiches into a bag.]

[yokeye]

That makes Toki stop smiling instantly. He can barely talk about himself, and he doesn't know if wants to hear Yuya recount whatever trauma he'd experienced, even if Yuya brought it up.

"Uh... what happened?"

It's the question he's supposed to ask, he thinks. Maybe Yuya thinks it will help to compare things. He's also a little in shock, because Yuya seems well-adjusted. If he's faking it like Toki, he's doing a very good job.

[hippocarnival]

"I got attacked, too." He rubs his shoulder absently. "And I had a hard time moving and was really scared for a while. But it was years ago, so... I've had time to heal."

At least, it was enough time for him to heal. Five years hasn't been enough for Gongenzaka, and his heart sinks remembering that. He'd rather have hope that Toki will have an easier time now that he's actually started healing.

[yokeye]

That's always such a loaded question. He has to narrow everything down to a reasonable couple of sentences. He doesn't say things are 'well' or 'good', because that's inaccurate and he's trying to not lie so much.

"Uh, I'm doing better, I guess? I'm sorry about... It won't- well, I can't promise it won't happen again, because I'm trying to be realistic here, but I'm not like- afraid's not the really the right word... overwhelmed! Not overwhelmed by things as much?"

Was that even coherent? He hasn't had many conversations with faculty that weren't superficial banter or dramatic nonsense.

[yokeye]

[When Orihime runs into him, the coffee he's holding spills over the brim of the cup a little and runs down his hand. At least it's not too hot.]

Orihime~! It's afternoon~!

[Well, he hopes it's afternoon or he's more sleep-deprived than he thought. He transfers his coffee to the other hand in order to lick off what spilled. Orihime looks like she might fall over at any minute, and he's sure any conversation can wait.]

We can talk later~! You look like you need some sleep~!

[yokeye]

"Y-you were attacked? By what!?"

He doesn't want to know. This is not helping. For Yuya to have survived something like what Toki's imagining... It should probably be a hopeful thought, that Yuya was okay and normal and not scared all the time; but it just makes Toki feel weaker and despondent, because nothing even happened to him and he'd completely lost it.

"You're okay now, though!? I'm sorry if anything I've done brought back stuff for you!"

Flashbacks are horrible and he doesn't want Yuya thinking about whatever happened to him.

[hippocarnival]

"W-wait--" Yuya springs to his feet, holding his hands out just short of actually reaching Toki to try and calm him down.

"Hey, it's okay. You haven't done anything--like I said, it's been years. I've had time to deal with it." The last thing he wants is Toki blaming himself for anything here. Between him and Gongenzaka, there's enough guilt going around.

"You'll get better, too."

[bejustorbedead]

His expression softens, before he nods slightly in understanding. This was a different level then dealing with a comrade in arms who hides under the table when a servant drops a pot, or the not infrequent bouts of nightmares, and he feels less prepared than most faculty, but it's wrong to just walk away.

"It can be hard to not be overwhelmed by things," Perhaps speaking from experience here. "Just, I am not sure how much I can do to help, but I do wish to assist however I can."

[yokeye]

Toki takes a minute to try and calm down; though advice given so far on that front amounted to basically 'shut up and breathe for a second'. Which, admittedly, is a very hard thing for him to do. But he thinks they're making some sort of progress here and he wants to try and keep discussing things.

"I didn't..." he needs clarify this. "I didn't get attacked. How can it affect me so much if it wasn't even me!? And you've... but you're... okay...?"

[hippocarnival]

He's okay now, mostly, but rather than clarifying that he thinks there's something he needs to know, to understand Toki's problem.

"Toki... something happened with a lycanthrope, right? What was it?"

There's only so many things he thinks it could be to fill Toki with that much terror. But if he says he wasn't attacked...

[yokeye]

"I guess you get that, with like hundreds of years of technology that's all new... I didn't know anything about the supernatural or things like this and things happened right before I got here that I hadn't processed..."

Still hasn't processed completely, but it appears to be working out so far. Ky's pretty calm and likable thus far, but Toki's still apprehensive about talking to anyone regarding actual topics that require thought and focus.

"There's not really anything you can do to help; it's sort of an internal thing, but well, I don't know if I should start now or a little later with like, you teach some fighting stuff right? I'm really bad at that. Everything honestly~! But I don't have any experience or skills or magic powers or anything so for like, in general, what kind of uh... combat is good for just regular people without any training to start with?"