cure what ails you. [open]

[deuteranope]

Who: Maverick Taylor + open!
When: First week of August.
Where: The quad, also a network prompt.
Warnings: Excessive cursing because it's Mav.

[The unintended effect of getting on his guards' good side further than being "Ramona's kid that's surprisingly good most of the time" is that when they see something happening that they think he'd be interested in, they let him know -- and they're pretty good and not doing this all the fucking time. Mostly they leave him alone. When there's a crew heading into the room down the hall, intent on clearing it out of its already sparse personalization, they give him a heads up. They hover nearby and assure that they'll make sure he doesn't do anything he isn't supposed to when he makes his way into the room despite the crew's grumbles so that he can scrape together the few little treasures his best friend might have left behind.

Flipping through his two new notebooks and the various photographs Kano had collected of his friends, it finally sinks in. He really just...went to Canada, and didn't come back. Not like Maverick can blame him, though. That's where his family was.]

Fucking moron...

[The collected scraps get put away, but he doesn't stay satisfied for long, doing nothing.]

un: < weaseling >

ATTENTION DICKWEEDS OF DAYBREAK

as it's become increasingly fucking obvious y'all don't know what the FUCK you're doing, and I've recently had my schedule freed up on account of lieutenant major disaster Cricket not fucking things up around here as of late, I, Maverick Fucking Taylor (fucking optional), have oh so graciously decided to lend you my much-needed services of being able to use my fucking brain to tell you what the fuck you've been doing wrong or what the less stupid way to go about shit going forward will be

translation: meet me in the quad this week if you need advising
if you're vacationing elsewhere because fuck this place, my inbox in open

you're fucking welcome

[True to his post on the network, Mav will have set up a rudimentary table in the Quad, a chair for him on one side and two slightly less comfortable ones on the other for anyone who might stop by. In Peanuts style, there's a sign that says "THE DOCTOR YOU NEED BUT DON'T DESERVE IS IN," which changes to "OUT" when he isn't around despite being done in permanent marker, and a banner that says "ADVICE BOOTH". Below, in smaller letters, he claims there's an optional fee of "whatever the fuck you find on the ground or some shit. or bottled water. keep me fucking hydrated if you want to make good decisions."

One of the days, however, the self-proclaimed doctor is there, according to the sign, but the usual freckled face and curly red mohawk is nowhere to be seen. Instead, something...furry...seems to have taken up residence on the table, curled into a soft little lump. When approached, the red panda's head bobs up and he blinks a few times before squinting and greeting,]

Alright, what've you got? Spit it out. But if you're looking to use me as a therapy animal just because I'm so goddamn irresistible, you can fucking get out.

Comments

[transfusionem]

[She saw the network post from Maverick, and she's not actually expecting him to set up a stand. Not now that Kano is gone. (She doesn't know how she feels about that, but...she hopes he's okay. Or at least not getting into trouble.)

She approaches the stand, not really sure if she...should. What's she going to do? What is there to even say?

God. She's terrible at this.]

So, what kind of advice do you excel at?

[deuteranope]

[Hey, he's gotta occupy himself somehow. Maverick gently tips back his chair to two legs and raises an eyebrow.]

You come into my booth and insult me with this shit? I'm the fucking master of all advice categories, Bumble. I'm just that much more fucking sensible than everyone.

[He puts on a good show of being unaffected by all the various things he's depressed about, at least.]

[transfusionem]

[She should've expected this.

She raises an eyebrow back at him, before shaking her head.]

Alright, then I guess let me put it that way - what do you want to talk about? Romance, classes, family drama, all of that?

[deuteranope]

[She really should have.]

Well that ain't how this works at all, but -- [He lets the chair drop forward again with a loud clatter.] Let's start with the good shit. Gimme them juicy romance deets. You getting Ade-laid?

[transfusionem]

[She also should have expecting this, but somehow the question catches her completely off guard.

Her cheeks go pink.]

Okay, first of all, that's a terrible joke. [She appreciates that it's a pun, at least, but why do you have to do this to her?] Secondly...I don't know. Things are just kind of weird now.

panda day

[yokeye]

[Intent on petting the red panda, Toki stops with his hand held out before he gets close enough. Because it speaks. And it sounds like Maverick. There's only a fleeting thought to asking why Maverick is a panda, pushed aside quickly in favor of the uncontrollable urge to squeal at how cute he is.]

Maverick~! Oh my god, you're adorable~!

[Maverick is spared being picked up and cuddled, solely because Toki's still on a leash.]

[deuteranope]

[Bless Marcel. Mav will remember the service he has done this day.]

Yeah, yeah.

[His tail thumps, though whether it's from amusement or irritation is hard to tell.]

Course I am. Not that that's any fucking different from the usual.

[yokeye]

Okay, that's true, but like you're so cute now- and also before, but it's different! Can I pet you? Why are you a panda anyway!? And what's the booth for?

[He didn't see the network message, and was drawn over here solely by the red panda.]

[deuteranope]

What do you mean wh -- oh, right. You seriously quit the network, huh?

[They have very different priorities, right now... Maverick toddles up onto his hind legs and tips his head. Look at him. Criminally adorable.]

Fairy ring shit. Thought they'd all have died off already, but this about lines up with my fucking luck... Bummer I didn't get tits. [ANYWAY.] Maybe if you behave long enough, I'll let you pat my head. Step one to behaving: reading my signs.

[alreadyhuman]

[ Vivi has passed by this booth several times, entirely content in not really needing advice. But one of the days, the booth is staffed by something fuzzy and soft instead of a human, and that's enough to attract him.

He takes bottled water with him, of course! He read the sign. ]

Um.

[ He looks down at the red panda. ]

I brought water. [ He sets the bottle down on the table. He's about to ask are you always a panda and other things of that nature, but this is an advice booth. He should probably ask for advice. ]

People say a lot of words I'm not familiar with here! [ Translation: swear words he's not familiar with. ] I think it's called...um...collo..quialisms? So I wanted to ask what kind of words like that you think would be useful!

[ Oh Vivi no. ]

[deuteranope]

[Awh...the kid brought him water. That helps him look past how...weird...this thing looks. What sort of creature was this, even? Red panda paws are useless, but he sits up and starts trying to unscrew the cap anyway.]

Lemme ask you something. Your parent, guardian, or whoever's responsible for you. What kinda person are they?

[Because as much as Mav doesn't see harm in teaching kids to curse, he also realizes that he didn't have a typical mom. He had a cool mom!]

[alreadyhuman]

Um. [ He contemplates this for a long moment. ]

I guess...um, Mr Bell is really smart? And he's really observant and stuff. He knows a lot and he always wants to learn things. [ There's sad bits too but he's not mentioning those. ]

And Miss Lin is really strong! And she makes sure people are safe wherever she goes. She used to wander around a lot and fight bad people. [ He's pretty sure she still does that. ]

I guess they're kinda parents? They're not together or anything, though. I just look up to them. [ Not that it's hard for Vivi to look up to people, hoho short joke. ]

[deuteranope]

[Jeez. Okay. This is going to take awhile, then. At least he's got plenty of time to wrestle the cap while he waits.]

Alright... [sounds...eh... the guy's probably a prude, the lady...punchy.] Does it take a lot for her to think someone's a bad person, or is she pretty chill?

[strings_theory]

[Of course Jolyne has to do what she can to troll the fuck out of Maverick, it's her given duty in this damn place when she has literally nothing else to do. Especially when she's wandering by and pausing at the booth only to have Stone Free toss a water bottle towards him.]

What the fuck are you even giving advice on, dickhead? [She's not even mad, that's just his new nickname as far as she's concerned.]

[deuteranope]

[He catches the bottle easily enough, even if he wasn't expecting it from someone like Jolyne. Maybe he'll just...make sure the tamper seal is still unbroken...]

What the fuck am I not giving advice on, Key Lime? Seriously, I'm a goddamn genius compared to you little shits.

[strings_theory]

[It's perfectly intact, thank you very fucking much.]

Uh-huh, sure. [She is going to take that stool seat and squint at him for a second.]

Lemme test your fuckin' advice chops then.

[deuteranope]

[He's just gotta be sure! Satisfied, he lifts an eyebrow at her and cracks it open.]

Oh, good. You probably fucking need it. [The most casual swig in the world.] Alright, lay it on me. What advice do you seek, angry one?

pandamonium

[hawkwardness]

[Aw. Panda Mav is sort of cute. And also reminds Tobias of idea, one that's been percolating over the last few weeks...

He glides down and lands on the top of the stand, little birdie face peering down at the pottymouth doctor thar.]

< Hey. Are you a real panda or is this an illusion? >

[deuteranope]

[Oh.

Oh, he does not like that, and his fur puffs up involuntarily as he whips his head around to stare at...some bird...]

First of all, fuck you, with that talking in my head shit. [fuck off with that!!! Never mind that him cartoonishly talking with his mouth shouldn't work at all. Magic is magic.] Second of all, neither, not that it's any of your fucking business.

[hawkwardness]

< Geez, relax, it's the only way I can talk at all. When I say real, I mean... uh, are you flesh and blood? I'm going somewhere with this, I'm not going to eat you. >

[Yeah, that's reassuring.]

[deuteranope]

[Well, that wasn't a concern of his before... Really adds a whole new layer to this "don't like thing" cake he's making over here.]

I would kick your ass from the inside if you did. Yeah, whatever, I'm "real".

[heartofasamurai]

[Seiji was traveling through the quad, having just left the music hall with his bamboo flute in its case when he saw the booth. Looking it over he wondered if perhaps it was meant to be a jest, as the language was quite profane and it was so obviously amateur. But there was not a human form sitting at the table. There was a red panda, that did not seem to care much about the purpose of the booth.

But then the panda spoke and Seiji was completely disabused of any notion that it was a normal animal.]

My apologies... [He is not sure what he had done, but perhaps staring at the animal was unkind of him.] I was more curious about the purpose of your booth. I did not intend to be rude.

[deuteranope]

[um, fucking excuse you. he put a lot of effort into this booth. The critter sighs heavily and rolls his eyes, but there's a lack of any real tension, even if overly polite...whatever the fuck...made his skin crawl.]

Right. Well, it's a fucking advice booth. [He's just assuming Seiji can't read it... Is this more or less inconsiderate of him, hm.] Someone like you comes around and asks a question, and I use my infinite wisdom and shit to guide them along. I can be considered an expert or as fucking good as one in almost all areas of life, because I'm just that fucking great.

[He gives Seiji another look up and down.]

For you, at a glance, I can recommend asking about stick removal, since I dunno what other issues you got in your life. You're at this fucking school though, so. You probably got plenty.

[heartofasamurai]

[A talking, profane red panda that is far too condescending for someone who says they are trying to give advice to others so freely. Or perhaps, not as freely, even if the "cost" is as simple as bottled water. But the kind of advice he's been giving is confusing to him. He's fairly fluent in English, but there are many colloquial terms and phrases that he's never heard before.

He looks at the soft cloth case dangling from a strap wrapped around his hand and wonders for a moment.]

It is...kind of you to offer advice if you believe it would help, but I am sorry to say this is not a stick. It is a flute. I am not certain what removing it would do as of this moment.

[deuteranope]

[Oh. He was expecting indignation, if anything, but the obliviousness is sort of fun. It gets him to snicker, anyway. Red pandas weren't meant to look smug, really, but...they are irrefutably cute, and the smirk isn't enough to change that, unfortunately. It'd be better to get sassed by something that wasn't so adorable.]

Not the one I'm concerned about, but that is just so fucking darling. Really. Nah, I mean the up jammed up your ass and making you so uptight. You gotta dig that sucker out and loosen up before you have a fucking breakdown. Because trust me. It'll happen.