[Open] Behind The Wheel

[nor_iron_bars]

Who: Jail, several crash test dummies, and YOU.
What: Driver's Ed.
When: Early August.
Where: An improvised vehicular obstacle course in the east parking lot.
Warnings: Jailbreak's approach to driving, and also her approach to everything else.

[Anyone living on or near campus right now may have been wondering why one of the parking lots had been cordoned off for a couple days. Now, the answer finally becomes apparent... in the form of one of Daybreak's traditional challenges:]

[Driver's ed.]

[Supernatural though the school may be, getting your license is still a right of passage, just like it is for many less supernatural teens. Of course, the academy being what it is, there's still a few twists to it...]

[To be honest, things probably went kind of off the rails the moment they decided to have Jail handle it this year.]

Okay, let's get the boring part outta the way first. [Jail holds up a small paperback volume, gesturing with it to the pile of identical books on the table beside her.] This is the road safety manual, grab one or use the download link I sent to your phone to get a digital copy, you're gonna have to take a test on it before you get to do the practical exam.

If it were up to me, we'd just skip to the part where you give up and pay me to make you a license, but the headmistress is super into doing this mostly the legal way, for some reason? So if you don't wanna take the test... [She shrugs.] then fuck you, I guess. Go forge your own license like a grown-up.

In less boring news, here's what you're gonna be running the practical portion on. [Grinning widely, she gestures to the track set up all through the parking lot. It's a long, winding path, full of twists and turns, bridges and tunnels, animatronic pedestrians and animals, even the occasional outright booby trap.]

[...is that a pit trap next to that 'left turn only' sign?]

[The good news is, if you can successfully handle this bullshit, regular traffic probably won't seem so bad.]

Starting today, you're all free to sign up for tutoring sessions on the course with me, using one of the school cars. We're gonna be covering road safety in multiple weather conditions, basic maintenance, defensive driving, offensive driving, and what to do in an emergency. If you can't come up with an emergency, one will be provided for you.

Pass the written and the practical, and you're home free, ready to hit the road.

[She leans back against the practice car, grinning.]

Any questions?

Comments

[strings_theory]

[What in the five hundred fucks is that course, Jail? She's actually raising a brow slowly at it before turning her attention back to her.]

I mean, the rules in this place can't be that much different than the US, right? Like, for some fucking reason, they gave me a license there. So I guess I can pass it here, too. [Even if she'd rather just have one for a motorcycle or something, goddammit all.]

[nor_iron_bars]

[You need a license for those too, Jolyne.]

That's the spirit. Remember, there's no right or wrong in driving. There's just getting from point A to point B without anyone dying a horrible, flaming death.

[THERE IS ABSOLUTELY A WRONG IN DRIVING, WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS.]

[strings_theory]

[She unfortunately knows that all too well, it's dumb.]

... I'd argue that point with you, but I'm pretty sure it's going to do absolutely nothing for either of us. Seriously, though, what the actual fuck is that course?

[nor_iron_bars]

[Look, she managed to cope with traffic in Florida, she'll be fine. Probably.]

The product of three days of work and a lotta boredom. I was getting kinda antsy without a project to work on.

[Therefore, everyone else has to suffer.]

[strings_theory]

[Honestly, yeah, she probably would be fine. No one drives as insane as them, after all.]

So you made a hell course instead. I'm not surprised, honestly. [There's something kind of nice about it, because she'd probably do the same damn thing if given the task and having nothing else to do.]

How're we going about this shit, again?

[notbornguilty]

You have got to be joking.

[Except Weiss doesn't think she is, so she'll shuffle into the car anyway. So far so good, seatbelt on, adjusting the mirrors. She seems to be doing everything right.]

[nor_iron_bars]

Usually, but not this time. [You should not be so willing to admit that, Jail.]

[She leans back in the passenger seat, feat up on the dashboard, marking off things on a clipboard as she tracks Weiss' progress. In addition to the usual extra passenger side break that driver's ed cars typically have, she's also got a small panel of buttons on her side.]

[It's unclear what they do. The label just says 'for emergencies'.]

Got any driving experience?

[notbornguilty]

Sort of, my family's butler started teaching me when I turned sixteen.

[It's entirely possible that Klein's encountered Jail making off with a priceless artifact belonging to the Schnees before... and he did nothing about it.]

And get your feet off of there, you're blocking my line of sight.

[nor_iron_bars]

[Jail snickers, but is feeling kind enough to take her feet off the dashboard- though she's still managing to casually lounge in the seat instead of just sitting up like a normal person.]

So, just doing this for the international license, or did you not get around to getting one back home?

[No judgement, things happen.]

[notbornguilty]

I never got my license back in Germany, no. However, here I don't have a chauffeur to drive for me, so I suppose I simply have no choice but to take this little bit of independence for myself.

[The sarcasm there is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Weiss starts the engine, puts the hand break down, and shifts from Park to Drive. They're off.]

[onebetter]

All of this is insane.

[ Just saying. It's a formality at this point. Every time James attends literally any of Jail's classes, that's just a thing that needs to get out of the way first. ]

Everyone who doesn't have their license should probably do some good re-thinking on the safety risks of getting it here.

[ A sigh, but he's also eyeing the obstacle course... thing...... ]

Luckily, I've got my license already, but... can I use the track at some point?

[ Unfortunately, it looks RAD and like a good practice for battle driving situations. ]

[nor_iron_bars]

Know what else is insane? Life.

[She's just saying, you kids went for a lifestyle that involves pretty significant amounts of weird magical bullshit happening to and around you. Probably you should get used to it now.]

Sure, go for it. [In all honesty, practice for battle driving was like half the reason she set it up this way.] Still gotta be in the car with you if you're gonna use one of the school vehicles, and you're gonna need to use the sign-in sheet like everyone else so you don't end up crashing into somebody, but aside from that you're good.

[onebetter]

I'm frankly absolutely shocked yet delighted you have a sign-up sheet at all. Happily signing.

[ SOMETHING THAT FEELS OFFICIAL.... A SEMBLANCE OF ORDER.... ]

I've had a lot of driver's practice on empty desert roads, but you don't exactly get obstacle courses in standard education.

[nor_iron_bars]

My first suggestion did involve launching you all in at once and just awarding licenses to everybody who survived the free-for-all, but they vetoed that plan at the last staff meeting.

[It's hard to tell whether she's joking or not, honestly. Jail just always looks like she's fucking with you, regardless of her actual sincerity or lack of it.]

That's 'cause standard education is run by cowards who won't shell out the cash for turrets and weighted net traps.

[onebetter]

[ James doesn't think she is joking but he also thinks she fully expected to be shot down, so that's... as good as joking. Maybe. He's probably just becoming desensitized. ]

Or maybe standard education just doesn't anticipate any of its pupils having to drive in a fight against a supernatural monster. Just a guess.

[yokeye]

Hello~! I'm here~!

[The course looks awesome, and he was looking forward to Driver's Ed after seeing that, in French law, 15 was the cutoff. However, it was pointed out to him that there's also a law regarding no seizures in the last two years and that he will likely kill people if he makes any attempt to drive a vehicle ever. An absolute no. A disappointment he quickly got over, because he still has some ideas. It took a lot of convincing for the guard to even bring him over to the track, so Toki is determined to be involved in this somehow.]

Okay, so like, I know I can't drive, but what about a very important aspect of driver safety- distractions!? Like, what if you've got a kid in the car who keeps playing with his toys in the backseat and jumping around and making a lot of noise or your daughter just won't stop talking on her phone when you're trying to pay attention to the road or your familiar is a cat and they're freaking out because the car is moving or your spouse is like absolutely sure you should have taken that right turn back there and they will make certain you're reminded of that every chance they get or you're transporting important cargo in the trunk and you have to make sure it doesn't move too much or like the vials of deadly potions will spill everywhere and destroy your vehicle!? Those are all very plausible scenarios and I think you need someone to ride in the cars with your trainees to give an evaluation on reactions to potential distractions!

[nor_iron_bars]

[Jail is looking more and more gleeful as the diatribe continues, in a way that should probably be seriously worrying to anybody with sense.]

Y'know, you make an excellent point. [She winks.] Know where I could maybe find a volunteer in this place...?

[What about it, Toki? Are you willing to take on this very important distraction duty?]

[yokeye]

I am at your service, Professor~!

[He's volunteering anyway, but there's another important question.]

Can this count as some sort of extra credit?

[nor_iron_bars]

Sure, why not.

[There are probably several reasons why not, but it's not as though she cares.]

Got the next batch of drivers coming in soon... you wanna go with the basic nonstop chatter kinda distraction to start off with, or should we mix it up a little?

[She already has ideas. God help these poor students.]

[yokeye]

[This is why Jail is the best.]

Awesome!

[He considers scenarios, but they're all too good and he can't decide.]

Mix it up! Distractions should be unexpected~!

[buddinghopes]

[Oh, she's already looking forward to this. Maybe a bit too much.]

Oh, this looks fun!

[That is entirely genuine and maybe a bit concerning.]

[nor_iron_bars]

Hey, driving is a real important responsibility and you gotta be serious about- [And then Jail cracks up laughing midsentence.] -ahahaha nah, I'm just fucking with you, go have fun messing with the cars.

[buddinghopes]

[Lia starts snickering.]

Gladly! [That obstacle course looks like a blast.] I'm also definitely interested in the defensive and offensive driving that you mentioned...

[nor_iron_bars]

["Blast" may be a very appropriate word, if you set off the wrong trap.]

Did some research on how normal schools do it before I started building this, wanted to see what kinda shit they taught you. Figured if "defensive driving" was already a thing, we oughtta teach you the opposite just to balance it out.

[She grins.]

Y'see, defensive driving is a buncha little tricks and tips you can use to make it harder to wreck you- even if someone else hits you, it'll make the accident less bad, do less damage. Which is great, if you're being safe.

But sometimes you wanna make things less safe for somebody else. That's where the offensive driving comes in.

[So in other words, it's vehicular combat 101.]

[buddinghopes]

[That just makes things all the more exciting, really.]

Oh, I definitely like the sound of that...