[Open] Alchemy and Artifice 101

[nor_iron_bars]

Who: Jail, and anyone who happens to be attending her class today
What: Her first day of teaching people how to make magical items
When: Late February, before midterms
Where: The alchemy labs
Warnings: Dubious but entertaining laboratory practices

[Jail sits perched on the edge of her desk up at the front of the classroom, watching the students shuffle in, letting them mill about casually until the posted start time. She seems... almost thoughtful. How exactly does one teach children, really? Sure, she's had an apprentice for a while now, and that's gone more or less well, but it's not exactly the same thing as being an Official, School-Approved teacher for an entire class of total strangers.]

[Does she try to connect with them on a deeper, more personal level? Keep things strictly professional, remain a distant authority? Focus on the grandeur of her chosen art, the joy that can be found in practicing this particular form of rune craft? How she introduces herself here, at the start, can very well shape not only their impression of her, but also their entire experience with this class.]

[She takes a deep breath, claps her hands sharply to get their attention, and smiles cheerfully beneath her mask.]

So, who wants to set some shit on fire?

[Nailed it.]

[Jail casually waves an arm to indicate the shape drawn on the board, and continues:]

That up there is your standard rune of fire protection, a warding sigil against heat and flame. You're gonna want to memorize that shape, 'cause it's gonna be coming up a lot in here. If visual learning ain't your thing, or you want a reminder, the school standard translation software on your phone'll have a verbal description telling you how to draw it.

[If you didn't know the translation app they gave everyone at orientation came with that feature, that's because it didn't until last night. Technically, no one actually told Jail she had permission to code an update for the software and send it out on the school's internal network, but no one actually told her not to, either.]

[So it's probably okay.]

Not too hard to cancel out a simple rune like that if you know what you're doing, so it ain't much use in a fight. But it's pretty handy for working with dangerous stuff and not burning your face off, so we're gonna make sure you can all use it today.

But, y'know. [She shrugs, looking suspiciously innocent.]

It's no good finding out you were doing it wrong after you catch fire, right? Which is why you're gonna spend the rest of class drawing it on shit and dropping it in the fire pit back there.

[At least that explains why she already had a fire going in there. And the large basket of random small objects up by her desk- rubber balls, old cutlery, wooden bowls, various other miscellaneous household objects that people were willing to donate. Presumably, so no one has to risk their personal items on the first try.]

It'll be good practice. Not taking any points off if you draw it wrong and something catches fire, but you gotta take notes on how it burns. 'Cause writing it down is what makes it science, instead of just fucking around.

[Wait, is she allowed to say 'fuck' in front of them? ...Eh, it's fine. They probably know that word by now. And even if they didn't, it's too late anyway.]

[Well. They certainly can't say she's not educational.]

Comments

[yokeye]

A. Questions : closed to Jail

[It's a miracle. Toki has been mostly paying attention for the entire explanation and introduction. This class will immediately surpass Daemon Contracting as the best one. It's practical and there's already fire, and he doesn't even mind taking notes on how things burn. It's the best part of science. The fire protection rune will be very, very useful during the Bee Play because he's going with fireworks and confetti for the special effects.]

How many items are we allowed to try and burn at once!? Is there a certain temperature at which the fire protection rune is no longer viable!? If you draw the rune while something is on fire, does this eliminate the fire!? Why are there fire alarms in the hallways if we could just be painting the rune on the walls? Do any inanimate objects or living beings have natural immunity to the rune magic; like say you wanted protect Object A from fire, but something in the chemical makeup of Object A cancels the rune magic and it still burns!?


B. Fire : open

[He's selected a few objects from the desk and has drawn the rune on all of them. None of the drawings look remotely similar. Whether he did that on purpose or not, who knows? It is important to have a control group after all. He's prepared to take notes on flame color, how much smoke is produced, and general flame height. For science.]

Which one do you want to burn- I mean test- first!?

A.

[nor_iron_bars]

[Jail is, somewhat worryingly, giving this due consideration.]

Guess the real question is, how many items can you pay attention to at once? 'Cause if something burns and you don't note it down, I do gotta take points off for that. [She briefly considers telling him to use his own judgement, then remembers any property damage might end up coming out of her paycheck.]

I'm gonna say four is your limit right now, but if you can prove you're good for it I'll let you try more later. As for the rest of that...

[She mentally reviews the rapid-fire series of questions, idly counting off her points on her fingers as she goes back down the line.]

Depends on how well you draw the rune- it oughtta be good for up to five thousand Celsius, but it's gonna take practice. [This lesson may also have the side benefit of seeing if anyone is bad enough at this kind of rune magic that she's going to have to set up their lab safety wards for them later on.]

[Ideally, the less work she has to do the better. Practically, she'd rather take thirty seconds to ward some extra worktables than deal with the extra hassle of someone getting seriously hurt.]

The fire's still gonna be there- it ain't a fire elimination rune, it's a fire protection rune. But it'll burn itself out real quick once it doesn't have anything it can use as fuel anymore. ...Unless you fuck up and let it spread to something you didn't draw the rune on. Try not to do that.

That's also why we don't just use these runes to fireproof the place. The rune's only gonna protect what you actually draw it on, and warding the walls does exactly jack all to stop everything else from burning. Besides, you think they're gonna ward every single inch of the building? It's a big campus, ain't nobody got time for that shit.

And the short answer for that last one is "not by accident". [Jail makes a noncommittal hand gesture.] Magic is, to use the technical term, super weird. There's a lotta obscure stuff out there that's hard to predict- old artifacts that use totally different crafting methods, rare Outlands species we never see, shit like that.

The only magic-cancelling effects we know about right now are all things people have to do on purpose, and they ain't exactly hard to notice. But there's a lotta stuff out there we don't know about. ...well, probably.

[That's... helpful?]

[yokeye]

[Toki hadn't thought of that; needing to pay attention to all of them at once to get accurate information for notes. He's going to be cautious and limit himself to two at once in stead of four; partially because he's half blind, but mostly because she's taking points off for missing details. Missing details that would, in fact, skew any data collected anyway, so the limit is a good idea.

He takes notes on the general cap of temperature for later reference, as well as the fact there's a difference between elimination and protection. Going from there, not using the runes on campus makes sense.]

So with the last thing, what you're saying is the runes are pretty much going to work on anything in general, unless there's some really old thing you're trying to protect or you're in the Outlands and messing with weird things? Or someone's very obviously used some cancelling effect like another rune?

[nor_iron_bars]

[Aw, good for you, Toki. She's glad you're taking this seriously. Especially since that means she's less likely to have to explain to Ekkehardt why you have to get treated for burns.]

Pretty close, yeah.

[She raises a hand, and clarifies:]

Specifically, a whole, unbroken rune is gonna work. That seems obvious, but that's the part that tends to really bite people in the ass from overlooking it. All you need is one lucky shot to scratch out part of the rune in just the right spot, and you're screwed.

That's why you usually wanna cast a rune in metal or carve it in stone if you're gonna use it for fieldwork, not just paint it on something. See, most kinds of magic have their advantages and disadvantages- the advantage of runes is that they're stable, they're gonna do pretty much the same thing each time without getting messy on you. The downside is that they're real fragile unless you put in the time and effort to set 'em up just right.

[She almost seems like a serious professional and not a walking disaster when she's talking about her craft like this. A pity it doesn't extend to other things.]

[heromedal]

Toki, they're supposed to survive the process.

[ Please. Toki. Don't give him palpatations. ]

[yokeye]

Don't you want data on how each one burns for future reference just in case!?

[It's planning ahead for eventualities.]

[heromedal]

[ Rex thinks on it for a bit. ]

...Yes. But only it's planning ahead for eventualities.

[ He's used worse excuses to do stupid shit. How could he deny Toki this? ]

Don't lose your eyebrows.

[suddenlybees]

[ Hand in the air!!! ]

Teacher!! If I draw it on myself and jump in the fire pit, would that be enough to protect me? What if I I draw more of them?! If if I draw them larger?!!

[ What does he need to do to fireproof himself, he needs to know. ]

[nor_iron_bars]

Love the enthusiasm, but also you would totally die. ...Actually, I take that back, the medical staff is great here, you'd probably just get maimed horribly.

[This statement is delivered with double fingerguns and a wink, because that's totally the appropriate tone to set for grisly safety warnings.]

In theory, one well-drawn rune on your bare skin should be enough to protect your entire body. In practice, you started learning this like five seconds ago, and the reason I brought a giant-ass basket of stuff to try with instead of just telling you to use your textbooks or something is 'cause people usually fuck up their first try.

So sure, you might get it right the first time. Orrrrr... you could draw it wrong. And then maybe only half of you is safe, and the other half burns. Or your skin stays untouched while you fry on the inside. Or you die of smoke inhalation. There's options.

But even worse?

[She pauses dramatically, looking him dead in the eye for full effect, and delivers her next line with the flair of a stage actress:]

Drawing the rune on yourself doesn't protect your clothes.

Imagine every nightmare you've ever had about being naked in public, except real, and with more fire. That's the kind of risk you're taking here.

[suddenlybees]

[ Oh, that kind of is horrifying, all the way up until the last point and Kano just starts to laugh, because that's the one fear he never really has. With his illusions, he could be standing here buck naked right now and just making it seem as if he's wearing his clothes, so as long as he doesn't... actually catch on fire... he should be fine with or without. ]

Hm, hm~ I'm pretty confident in my ability to copy things~ But what if! Hypothetically! I were to leave it up to a professional runes drawer slash tattoo artist, and tattooed a rune to my hand or something, that'd work, right? It won't ever rub off, so it'd work forever, right? I can jump into volcanoes and throw myself into the sun and everything?

[nor_iron_bars]

[As long as Jail doesn't have to see him naked, she's okay with that. Being a seer has meant enough horrible unwanted sights for one lifetime already, thanks.]

Eh... define "forever". Tattoos tend to shift slightly as you age, 'cause the skin's changing shape. Plus scars, wrinkles, that kinda thing... So yeah, hypothetically that could work for a while, there's mages that do that with runes, but you'd wanna have that touched up on a regular basis.

[She shrugs. If this kid wants to go full Icarus and yeet himself into the sun, she's not going to stop him as long as he does it on his own time. The important thing is that he does it with all knowledge of the potential risks involved.]

Tell you what, though- if you prove you can draw the rune well enough to use it in class, I'll draw it on you and let you try the fire pit. You gotta ward your own clothes, though.

[She winks.]

Think of it as an optional bonus assignment.

[heromedal]

A

[ Rex's knowledge of alchemy is a lot less than he'd like, so he's experiencing a little bit of the T H R I L L that comes with something entirely new being introduced to him. He takes a picture of the rune with his phone, so he can have it in his vision of one eye whilst he copies it, over and over. Trying different methods, until he's satisfied he's got the most efficient way and stable hand motion. Then repeats that until he has successfully covered a notepad page in them, as indistinguishable from the last as human eyes can tell. If even one looks a shade different, he discards the entire page and he checks each one by holding it over the phone, lining them up so the light shines through.

Eventually, he folds the successful one into a paper aeroplane, having planned ahead so that none of the runes would be along folding lines and casually sends it flying into the firepit, where it flies right back out. Air currents. Beautiful things. ]

Hnnhnn.

[ That's a satisfied laugh, but because he's a fucking weirdo it sounds like the villain getting ready to deflect your most powerful move with a backhand. ]

B

[ Still enjoying the nice buzz from learning something new and wanting to keep it going, but quite satisfied he's got the rune itself on lock, he decides to test its effectiveness rather than his ability to apply it.

Normally he'd probably ask if there was a particular way to do this or at least get permission but the song of the mad scientist is loud in his heart today. It's time to Do Shit and consequences will be future Rex's problem, that asshole.

So he has a little sphere barrier in one hand. With the other, he transmutes it full of methane- all the stuff you need for it is just floating around as air. It's fine. That's okay. Did you also know oxygen can be liquid? Yeah, it can. Isn't that cool. You know what happens if you put them together?

It's rocket fuel, Rex has rocket fuel, he won't take meds and he has made rocket fuel, I can't emphasise enough that there is rocket fuel in Rex's hands, that's the stuff you use to shoot things into space.

Not much but also it's fucking rocket fuel. ]

...Wait a minute, rockets explo-^*

[ The barrier handles most of the burst, but a little crack on the opposite side reminds us yet again it's rocket fuel. Not enough of a spray to hit anything else, but Rex's chair grinds across the room, flips over and somehow lands back on its legs just before the back hits the wall. He's laughing the entire way^** and also the rubber ball in the barrier? Completely unharmed.]

Runes are awesome.

*Rex has not seen Toy Story.
**Loud sound warning!

B.

[nor_iron_bars]

Ain't they just.

[Jail sounds way too relaxed for somebody who's just had a student set off an explosion inside her classroom.]

[She's leaning casually against the wall, one finger tapping rhythmically against a rune discreetly carved into the stone. Every time her finger hits it, there's the faintest, almost imperceptible glow of silver light.]

Take this fun little trick, for example.

[Without warning, she suddenly presses her finger down on the rune and keeps it there. The moment she does, Rex's chair slides sharply over to her as though seized by invisible hands. It jerks to a stop right before her, and she looks down at him.]

Real neat, huh? It's for helping with cleanup, so I don't gotta haul shit all over the classroom by myself any time you guys make a big mess. 'Cause, y'know. [She shrugs eloquently.] It's the kinda class where messes happen, right?

[She inclines her head slightly to make direct, unblinking eye contact with him.]

That's why I'm gonna be putting in a five-second warning rule for explosions, mmkay? Can't say they ain't fun, but I wanna hear at least a "heads up" next time you pull that. We clear?

[heromedal]

[ He barely restrains himself from flipping out of the chair and doing something incredibly stupid, like reacting to this whole thing like it's an attack on him. As it is, he just stares with the same unblinking look, though his is the 'I don't want to miss a second' sort.

Congrats Jail. She's set the record for the fastest smile in conversation in twelve years. Things might get weird when his high passes and he returns to the usual gloomy Rex, but for now, he shows off a bright and cheery grin. ]

That's fair! [ He stops, taps his chin and then corrects himself- ] That's actually exceedingly generous.

[ And immediately after that- ]

So can I do it again?

[deuteranope]

[...Now this is his kind of teacher. The fire, honestly, he could go either way on, but he's been slowly coming around to runes more and not burning his face off is always a handy trick -- and the app functionality is, too! Plus if she can say fuck, that means he can say fuck. Like, not that he wasn't going to anyway, but arguing about his use of language can get tiring after a while.

As much as this is exactly the time he would be going around being boisterous and happily dropping things into the fire, Maverick does spend a fair bit of time trying to mind his own business, etching the rune over and over and over again. Once he's pretty sure he's got it and it passes the heat test...]

Does it matter if it's not all the same fucking color? You scratch out a rune, it jut fucking cancels straight up, right? Draw it two different ways, I'd say it's two different drawings. But...

[He pokes his finger against a fresh rune he's done, and from that point a light blue blossoms out and spreads over the black ink. He's not changing the entire thing, just adding a little bolt of dye from what's already there using his Flame ability. Now that he knows he can do it right, it's time to see if he can keep from fucking up when he experiments. Playtime! Come burn things, or watch him flick through a book and get a preview of other runes.]

[nor_iron_bars]

[The app functions as advertised if he tries it, reading out a helpful, thorough description of the rune's shape and providing clear instructions on how to draw it. The voice reciting the advice in the audio file is clearly Jail's, the slight but distinctive rasp of her gas mask hard to mistake, so she must have recorded it herself.]

[The woman in question is still sitting on the teacher's desk, leaning casually against the stack of books piled on top of it. She's idly typing something on her phone, but she looks up at the sound of his question.]

[Congratulations, Mav. You've asked a question that Jail actually has a learned, cogent answer to.]

Color's not gonna matter for this one, nah. There's more complex runes out there where stuff like color and size starts being real important, but your basic wards like this just gotta be the right shape.

Using two different pens can be a problem if you accidentally leave a break in the line or double up the thickness in one spot where you switched 'em out, though.

[deuteranope]

[He looks up, and while he had been hoping she'd hear and respond, if he was being honest...he wasn't actually expecting her to. Not when there are so many troublemakers here that he's pretty sure he should be washed aside and forgotten. Any validation from still being part of the class is quickly turned to disappointment, though. That was pretty boring...]

Okay... So what about fucking something like this?

[This time, the light blue blotches fade, becoming the same color as the item it's drawn on.]

The ink's still there, but it looks broken to anyone who doesn't get real fucking close. [Or, like...if he's trying to match a color he can't actually distinguish that easily and picks the wrong one just because it looks the same to him. Luckily not the case here!]

[infestedcouncilpresident]

-1-

[Kohaku raised her hand. It wasn’t something immediately relevant to the lesson, but she had to know.]

Are you an American, Professor, uh...Jailbreak?

[If she was maybe the rumors about the entire country being crazy were true.]

-2-

Kohaku’s notes:
Attempt 1, Piece of paper: burned slower than normal
Attempt 2, Old shoe: burnt and released cloud of foul smelling smoke
Attempt 3, Wooden spatula: burned slow, but in green flames
Attempt 4, Romance novel: probably should not be in class with minors in it, shot sparks everywhere
Attempt 5, German (?) car magazine: did not burn! \o/

[Respond to any of her attempts]

[nor_iron_bars]

[Wow, that sounds so weird. Jail blinks for a moment before she realizes that Kohaku meant her- she very briefly expected there to be another professor in the room.]

Yeah, I started out in the States. Been a while since I've been back- lotta business to take care of, here and there.

[That's about the closest she'll get to polite euphemism. Or at least to not giving major incriminating details right off the bat. Business definitely means international crime sprees, in that context.]

[Not that her criminal status is any less than an open secret, at this point.]

You ever been there?

[infestedcouncilpresident]

Once, for a school trip a few years ago.

You just, uh...fit the stereotype.

[atomicultimatum]

fire!!!! // open

[Jade tries drawing the rune on paper, first. She draws it a number of times before doing it on the side of one of the wooden bowls.

She thinks she's done it right, at first, but when she dropped it into the fire...yeah, no. It stayed for a few seconds before catching fire and... yep the bowl is no more.

Okay, now what had she done wrong? She can't exactly see how she'd drawn the rune on the bowl now, but looking back at the paper she'd been using to draw a bunch of them she knows something must've not been quite right. Enough to last for a second, but not enough to stick.

She tries it a second time, just to make sure it wasn't something in the angle or curve that messed her up, on the handle of a large wooden spoon and throws that in. This time, well, the space covered by the rune didn't catch fire but the rest of it sure did.

This was kind of fun, actually, even if she really wanted to know now why it wasn't working. Tyzias made this sort of thing easy... except she uses different runes than this. Probably something specific to her rune-casting, but still.]

[nor_iron_bars]

[See, this is why Jail made it the first lesson. How do you get kids to actually pay attention to the basic safety features? Make learning how to use them involve fire.]

[Not that she's not appreciating it, herself.]

[Jade appears to be doing a lot of burning, though, and not entirely on purpose. ...Unlike some people. (Looking at you, Toki.) Jail hops off her desk and saunters casually over to her.]

Hey, mind if I take a look?

[Odds are it's more complicated, but on the off chance that there's some basic mistake in her notes, there's no reason not to double check.]

[everybodypanic]

[Honestly, Jinx isn't that great of a student. She'd much rather be out in the field actually shooting things than stuck in here where she's supposed to be "learning" and all that.

Learning what? She already knows everything she needs!

Except for the part where she doesn't, but good luck convincing her.

You know what does help, though? A teacher that Jinx actually likes.

Well, like is a strong word. But at least she doesn't automatically hate Jail. So that's already a pretty good start.]

Alright, sure. Here it is. Can I drop it into the fire now?

[nor_iron_bars]

[Well, that rune isn't gratuitously wrong. It might not work perfectly, but at least that'll be interesting to watch. Some of the other students' failed attempts appear to be burning with some really weirdly-colored flames.]

[Jail gives her a leisurely thumbs-up and waves a hand vaguely in the direction of the fire pit.]

Sure, chuck that sucker.

[It is possible that this tolerance stems from the fact that Jail cares only marginally more about teaching a class than Jinx cares about attending it.]

[everybodypanic]

[This might just be a class that Jinx might actually attend regularly. Maybe even... pay attention in!

No promises, though.]

Thought you'd never ask!

[And it's chucked into the fire.]

Uh, is it supposed to be doing that?