plague upon the world (it's these two gremlins)

[suddenlybees]

WHO: Ellie, Kano, and you~
WHERE: Lumière dorms, around campus
WHEN: first week of school
WHAT: crickets!!!
WARNINGS: crickets... nothing else foreseen, but will edit if necessary!
NOTES: this is a joint post with Ellie and Kano, so you might be tagged back by either of them or both, please let us know if you have a preference!

i. Lumière Dormitory lobby
[ Twenty centimeters isn't a lot. The length of the box's edge just barely exceeds the length of Kano's palm as he carries his package into the dorms, giving it a little shake next to his ear but unable to hear anything inside. The box is pretty light, too... maybe they got scammed?

The only way to find out is to open the box, and Ellie's right there to stab her switchblade into the top of the box and pull down sharply to cut open the box—-

Do you know how many crickets fit inside a 20x20x20 cm box? Originally, around 500.

Now, there's only a couple dozen left, and dwindling every passing second the two of them stare at the plague they've unleashed upon the dorm. ]

ii. cricket wrangling, inside and around the dorm
[ You learn to stop screaming real quick when every time you open your mouth, you find a cricket or two inside, so it's masks on and sleeves pushed up like this isn't shady at all, haha, this isn't their fault. Anyways, stand there, right there, and DON'T. MOVE. Just stay still while the two of them... well, it's no butterfly net, but they've got fly swatters and two socks full of crickets that they can tie off when they're full and— ]

I SAID DON'T MOVE!!

[ If you get smacked in the face, you've already gotten fair warning, now take off your socks and make yourself useful. ]

iii. on the waaaaay other side of campus
[ They pretend they have nothing to do with the fact that an exterminator is being called to exorcise the dorms. They have nothing to do with that? They've been here the entire time, camped out in front of one of the buildings with their little stall— a table dragged out from somewhere, two folding chairs, a sign leaning against the front of the table reading:

€1 EACH
IF YOU TOUCH IT, YOU BUY IT
IF IT TOUCHES YOU, YOU BUY IT
NO REFUNDS
ALL PROCEEDS GO TO THE 7 SEVENS

[ and a megaphone that's a mistake to allow in Kano's hands as he shouts right into it. ]

Crepes! Get your crepes here~! Chocolate clusters and liquid luck! There's a surprise in every bite! Purchase one of each and receive a complimentary ~*~*mystery box*~*~! What a deal! Don't pass this chance up!!

[ The ~*~*~mystery boxes*~*~ are packed up nice and neat on one end of the table, with the rest of it being a spread of little chocolate drops on a tray (they twitch once in a while, but ignore that), several dozen bottles of something dark brown (the liquid sloshes around once in a while, but ignore that), and Ellie currently taking her turn at working the crepe station, once in a while sprinkling in some of the """secret ingredient""" (some of which might escape and leap onto your face and chirp, but iGNORE THAT) ]

wc.
[ For anything else, ping northpaws or birdseed! ]

Comments

[deuteranope]

[Even that's suspicious! He'll take it, though. Ring, ring...]

Mama, hey, I'm back, you're going on fucking speaker 'cause some freak barnacle boy got stuck to me.

[" -- etting me meet your new friends, hm? That's a welcome change of pace."]

Yeah, yeah, any-fucking-way. Mama, Cricket. Cricket, Mama.

["Well, that explains the 'bugs everywhere' bull you tried feeding me."] God, I fucking wish... ["Hello, young Mr. Cricket! Feel free to give me your preferred name, instead of sticking to whatever my son's decided on. Don't worry, I already know he's awful."]

Ha. You fucking love me.

[suddenlybees]

[ ...friends... in plural...

Kano remains uncharacteristically quiet, for the most part, finding it a little weird to be part of a conversation between a parent and their kid and he's never really gotten to know what that sort of exchange looks like. He didn't really imagine it to be like this, like Maverick's talking with a friend, not his mother— Kano's conversations, if they can be called that, with his own mother were nowhere anywhere near this, so the comparison is a bit jarring. ]

Hello, hello~! "Cricket" would be just fine! It sounds kinda like a code name, you know~ Ah- but what should I call you? "Mama"? Would that be weird?

[ that'd be weird, huh ]

[deuteranope]

[Plural friends is a stretch, as is singular friend, but hey, he could have had multiple friends once...at some point...........they might have all been delinquent jackasses that taught him how to hotwire a car instead of being traditional friends, but

...nah, okay, Mama's been his only real friend ever.

"I'm not too old for code names, but having one son is already strange enough, sorry. Ramona will have to do until you come up with something. Better be flattering."]

He's prone to dumbass decisions, but I've trained him enough that he fucking knows you're the best already, don't worry. I still got your back from all the way over here.

["Oh, yes, because you're sooo far away. Guess I shouldn't expect a visit anytime soon! Woe is me."]

Hey, if that's permission to start cutting class again...

["Please no. I just got a school to accept you. Play nice a while longer."]

[suddenlybees]

[ —Hey, hey, hey, he's not a dog to be trained like that! But Maverick probably knows that Kano's just buttering him up in regards to singing praises about Ramona just to get on Maverick's good side, and this phone call is proof that he'd made progress.

He can't let this chance by. ]

Aw, has Mav been holed up in his room this entire time without paying you a visit, Ramona? That's no good! Our weekends are free, and the weather will be dry— it'd be a beautiful day for us to come see you, don't you think?

[deuteranope]

[They're manipulating each other very poorly to the point where neither of them are being manipulated, just allowing things to happen. Sometimes, that's friendship?

"It certainly doesn't sound like my son. Perhaps I'll have to entrust this mysterious Cricket with making sure he gets enough sunshine to earn those freckles of his back."]

I am right here, and the freckles are fucking dumb, Mama.

["Not true, and I really will give him pull permission to dragging you down here, if you're hiding away all the time. I said to stay out of trouble, not out of life."]

They're like the same fucking thing! Anyway, once you give him your address, that's fucking it, you're done, no safe space. Don't go making stupid fucking decisions when you know I'm going to be visiting you soon enough.

["Oh, but Cricket doesn't have any objections, right? He wants to be on my team."]

There are no fucking -- whatever.

[suddenlybees]

[ That "whatever" is permission to do what they want, he can read in between the lines and assume that. ]

No objections here~! None whatsoever!! I'm on Team Ramona!!!

[ He's ecstatic-- it's basically never that he gets to be on the same team or side as somebody else, so this is a really nice change, getting to gang up on somebody instead of feeling like it's him against the world. Being a bully is great. ]

We'll make a day trip out of it~ You can't see, Ramona, but Mav looks rea~lly happy about coming home again! Don't let his words fool you, that's how he gets you!

[deuteranope]

["Haha. Knowing my son, he's looking like he just got sentenced to an eternity of community service without any breaks."

Damn, she's good.

"That's just a front. Don't worry, hon, I know my son is looking forward to seeing me, no matter what he says or does with that face of his."]

Hey now, Mama, I am looking forward to it! [He won't deny that!!!!] You know it's way better there than this soulless shitpit. It ain't that that's the fucking pain in the ass, here.

[suddenlybees]

Hey, hey, hey!!

[ This is to Maverick; Kano pulls away from the phone just to give him an aghast look- he despises the school with every fiber of his being, but he can't say it's a soulless shitpit, that would go against everything he's trying to do. ]

It's only soulless 'cause you gotta get out more! That's why I said- hang out with me! It doesn't have to be soulless!

[deuteranope]

[Congrats, you caught him off guard. He's not sure what to say to that... Mama's got it covered, though.

"I'm liking this new cricket friend of yours, weasel."]

...Save your judgment for when you actually have to deal with him, Mama. [But his voice lacks any bite. He's a little weirded out by all the everything today, so it's time to withdraw.]

[suddenlybees]

[ It's a point in his favor and he can't help but grin. For as much as Maverick seems to respect Ramona, it's good to have her on his side. ]

Then how 'bout Saturday, Mav? So she can make the judgement for herself~

[deuteranope]

We'll see. You might break your arms three more times before then.

[suddenlybees]

I can come visit with my arm broken in three different places! That won't deter me!!

[deuteranope]

[See, mom...this is the shit he has to deal with. Maverick gives and exasperated sigh and rolls his eyes upwards. Whatever!!!!]

[suddenlybees]

[ Yes!!! ]

We'll come see you over the weekend, Ramona! No matter how many broken bones we have between us!

[deuteranope]

[There might be something of an "um, oh dear" in Ramona's tone, but Mav cuts it off by switching back to normal audio, bringing it up to his ear as he swings the rest of his body away from Kano to shut him out.]

Yeah, I'll let you know. Mm. Mhm. Yeah, fucking all right, sure. Love you, too, Mama.

[Click, bye bye, phone... and now he's going to flop onto his back to further demonstrate how put-upon he is with all this!!!]

Ughh... She says she'll see you later or whatever.

[suddenlybees]

Later iiiiiiiiiss this weekend?

[ He still looks so hopeful, stepping back so he can plop down on Maverick's bed and kick his feet against the mattress. ]

You have no plans this weekend, do you, Mav? Make sure your phone's charged, and your bags are packed with lots of snacks, and you better let Imelda know too so she doesn't freak out!

[deuteranope]

Yeah, fucking later this fucking weekend.

[groan]

Fuck off, bring your own fucking snacks, cricket.

[...he makes a mental note of the Imelda thing, though, because that's probably true, with the floor she advises.]

[suddenlybees]

I want to try your favorite snacks, though? It's a part of learning more about you, you know?

[ Kano doesn't have any snacks to bring, haha, what are you talking about, Mav. Share, if you don't want Kano to starve on Mav's watch. ]

[deuteranope]

[He doesn't yet know the full depth of Kano's situation, so this is just Kano imposing even more on him, really.]

The fuck you gonna learn about me from what I eat?

[suddenlybees]

Eeh~ What kinda question is that? You can learn a lot from people based on what they eat! What they like to eat, for instance...! Those are important things!

[ A person's tastes is the obvious one, but there's also clues into their disposable income, whether they mind off-brand things, where they tend to shop if something is limited distribution, how much they eat, the way they eat, whether they share, salty vs sweet, crunchy vs soft, lot of things that might never be important or relevant in any way, but they are things to notice and stow away just in case they can be used in the future. ]

[deuteranope]

Not that fucking important.

[Kano will very quickly learn that Maverick is not into sweet things, but that’s his main preference in deciding snacks.]

[suddenlybees]

[ Not being a picky eater is always a plus in Kano's book. ]

Hu~h, well~ If it's not that important, you have nothing to be concerned about, isn't that right? Just bring what you normally do to go visit, don't mind me~

[deuteranope]

God. If only.

[He’s so drained by the prospect now........but yeah, okay, adding snacks to the mental list, even if normally he wouldn’t bother. He’ll do it for this weirdo.]

You’re gonna fucking behave there, right? You pull anything at Mama’s, I’m bringing my fucking metal bat back to school with me.

[suddenlybees]

[ He doesn't deserve a friend like Mav, he really doesn't. ]

I'll behave, I'll behave~ But, ahh, you should bring your bat back here anyways? You can teach me baseball~

[deuteranope]

[He really doesn't!!!! But at the same time, he's persevering in a task when he's getting very little encouragement, which is admirable and deserves a reward.]

Haaa, you think I fucking know how to play baseball, that is just so fucking sweet and misguided, cricket.