plague upon the world (it's these two gremlins)

[suddenlybees]

WHO: Ellie, Kano, and you~
WHERE: Lumière dorms, around campus
WHEN: first week of school
WHAT: crickets!!!
WARNINGS: crickets... nothing else foreseen, but will edit if necessary!
NOTES: this is a joint post with Ellie and Kano, so you might be tagged back by either of them or both, please let us know if you have a preference!

i. Lumière Dormitory lobby
[ Twenty centimeters isn't a lot. The length of the box's edge just barely exceeds the length of Kano's palm as he carries his package into the dorms, giving it a little shake next to his ear but unable to hear anything inside. The box is pretty light, too... maybe they got scammed?

The only way to find out is to open the box, and Ellie's right there to stab her switchblade into the top of the box and pull down sharply to cut open the box—-

Do you know how many crickets fit inside a 20x20x20 cm box? Originally, around 500.

Now, there's only a couple dozen left, and dwindling every passing second the two of them stare at the plague they've unleashed upon the dorm. ]

ii. cricket wrangling, inside and around the dorm
[ You learn to stop screaming real quick when every time you open your mouth, you find a cricket or two inside, so it's masks on and sleeves pushed up like this isn't shady at all, haha, this isn't their fault. Anyways, stand there, right there, and DON'T. MOVE. Just stay still while the two of them... well, it's no butterfly net, but they've got fly swatters and two socks full of crickets that they can tie off when they're full and— ]

I SAID DON'T MOVE!!

[ If you get smacked in the face, you've already gotten fair warning, now take off your socks and make yourself useful. ]

iii. on the waaaaay other side of campus
[ They pretend they have nothing to do with the fact that an exterminator is being called to exorcise the dorms. They have nothing to do with that? They've been here the entire time, camped out in front of one of the buildings with their little stall— a table dragged out from somewhere, two folding chairs, a sign leaning against the front of the table reading:

€1 EACH
IF YOU TOUCH IT, YOU BUY IT
IF IT TOUCHES YOU, YOU BUY IT
NO REFUNDS
ALL PROCEEDS GO TO THE 7 SEVENS

[ and a megaphone that's a mistake to allow in Kano's hands as he shouts right into it. ]

Crepes! Get your crepes here~! Chocolate clusters and liquid luck! There's a surprise in every bite! Purchase one of each and receive a complimentary ~*~*mystery box*~*~! What a deal! Don't pass this chance up!!

[ The ~*~*~mystery boxes*~*~ are packed up nice and neat on one end of the table, with the rest of it being a spread of little chocolate drops on a tray (they twitch once in a while, but ignore that), several dozen bottles of something dark brown (the liquid sloshes around once in a while, but ignore that), and Ellie currently taking her turn at working the crepe station, once in a while sprinkling in some of the """secret ingredient""" (some of which might escape and leap onto your face and chirp, but iGNORE THAT) ]

wc.
[ For anything else, ping northpaws or birdseed! ]

Comments

[deuteranope]

[Making it weird and annoying the only way Mav can keep a handle on it. Let him cope. Also his head itched.]

You got weird fucking hobbies. Makes sense bees would be harder, though...

[Well.

...Well. He's going to cross back to his bed and start tugging at the top sheet to bring that with him.]

Okay, well I don't have fruit or honey. I, uh. I have a little cat kibble. That's the only non-lethal route my room fucking provides, if you really wanna be fucking stubborn about it.

[suddenlybees]

[ Kano trots off after him, until Maverick starts messing with the sheets and Kano lets him do what he means to do, letting go of his hands without stepping in to help. The only reason he lets go of Maverick's hands is to drop a hand on his shoulder and give it a sympathetic squeeze. ]

I'm so sorry to hear that... You're resorting to eating cat food... You said you weren't rich, but I didn't think you were that poor. I'll lend you some money.

[deuteranope]

[With a roll of his eyes, Mav turns and throws the sheet over Kano's head in return for his nonsense.]

Har-fucking-har. I have a fucking cat, dumbass. [Well, parttime.] Besides, haven't you noticed there's a black cat around here sometimes? Wanted something he could actually fucking eat and not die because of it until I can head into town.

[suddenlybees]

A black cat...? Mm~

[ He pretends to think about it, wrapping the sheet over his shoulders like a cloak and pulling it tight around his shoulders. Which would be more suspicious, saying he knows the cat or saying he doesn't? The former might become troublesome if Maverick tries to show him the cat, but that might also happen with the latter, so... ]

Maybe, maybe not!! [ vagueness is always on his side ]

People and pets have been moving out these past few years I've been here, so I can't keep track of them all! I must be getting old~ But I do know that cats like meat! Just steal a sandwich from lunch and set it aside for your kitty friend~

[deuteranope]

[The vagueness is the most suspicious!!!! But Kano is always suspicious in some manner, so that's also what makes sense. Getting old, though...what is he trying to say...]

I dunno. A sandwich that's been fucking sitting around all day? Go on, out, we gotta find fruity shit now.

[suddenlybees]

[ Does Maverick never eat day old sandwiches?? If he's worried about the meat spoiling, he can just wrap it and leave it on his windowsill and pack it in ice- It's not like Kano cares. He's not the one eating everything he's taking back from his midnight trysts. ]

Alright, alright~ I'm moving! [ He lets himself be directed out of the room, pulling the bedsheets along with him. ] Want to raid Nana-chan's room, or try our hand at the kitchen? Ah- we shouldn't expect a warm welcome in the kitchen though! It's pretty busy inside, last I checked~

[deuteranope]

[He eats what he eats. Not being an apocalypse boy in this universe let's him be a little bit more picky. But he'll think about it!!!]

Banana Jammer's room, then. This is already more fucking complicated than it needs to be.

[you Know she got at least one bananer in there.]

[suddenlybees]

[ Sounds like a plan! Banana Jammer's room also happens to be Minako's room, though, so Kano just... slips behind Maverick and crouches low as he nudges Maverick towards the door. ]

You go first.

[deuteranope]

[wuss...

But since girls live there and who knows what people do in the comfort of their own rooms, he does knock first, and loudly. Waits. Pushes door open... Hey sup, room. He's here, he's queer, he has no fear, GIVE HIM THAT BANANA.]

[suddenlybees]

[ So what if he's a wuss!! If Minako ever got on Maverick's case, he'll see how scary she can be.

But the door's open and nobody's roundhouse kicked Maverick in the face, so he feels a little safer stepping into the room after him. ]

Pardon the intrusion~

[ while he takes the opportunity to open drawers left and right, regardless of if there's bananas in plain sight. ]

[deuteranope]

Don't fucking apologize and then open shit anyway? Dumb fucking choice to talk when breaking the fuck in in the first place.

[He shakes his head...but like, there's no way there's not a banana in here. When he finds the bananas, he takes two and twirls them around like pistols, miming taking a lazy shot at Kano. Bang bang.]

We got the bait, let's set up.

[suddenlybees]

[ He would never be invited in here, so he's got to take advantage! There isn't really anything interesting, though, things here and there he doesn't understand the significance of, if any, a childhood photo of him, Minako, and Ellie on one of the bedside dressers that he stares at for a bit before turning away again.

bang bang

He clutches at his chest as if wounded, and staggers out the door after Maverick. ]

[deuteranope]

[Mav will kindly not comment on the photo, for the time being -- he's used to picking up little details like that, even if he tries to act like he doesn't care about what's happening around him. Not really good at...that. But the picture gets to go by quietly, since he already got his revenge via banana gun.

Back down to cricket hell...]

Figure if we set up a fucking picnic with an open invitation, these fucks will just show up no problem. When we got a shitload on the sheet, we can just fucking fold it, bing bang boom. Easy as fuck. Shouldn't squish 'em, even if I still fucking think it's fucking stupid to try keeping all of them alive...

[suddenlybees]

[ whispers into the sky, what is jojo ]

Whoa~ That's a genius for you! I'll make the banana mush, and you spread it over the sheet— thanks for sacrificing your sheet, by the way!— and fold it up and throw 'em in a box! That's teamwork! Good plan, team!!!

[deuteranope]

[Yeah, it really does suck that his sheet needs to be burned after this, but it's for a good cause. One less thing he's gotta take care of, too -- he never really used a top sheet before coming to this fancy asshole academy, so he was a little dubious about its presence.]

Yeah, you're a real big fucking help.

[Buuuut since he's volunteering to make the mush, he's going to hold out the bananas to him and presumably help balloon out the sheet to be set. At least five crickets are under it, but they can cross that bridge later. It would be impossible to not have some underneath.]

[suddenlybees]

[ Seeing as they're not allowed in the kitchen/Ren and Hibiki will give him hell for showing his face back there so soon, Kano gets to work mushing the bananas with the only tool available to him.

aka he peels a banana, chews it up, and then spits it out onto the sheet.

Your turn, Maverick. ]

[deuteranope]

...You're fucking gross.

[He's too drained of life from that sight to think of something more clever than that. Imagining spreading that out............

His soul leaves his body.

He leaves the room.

He's never going to help this guy again, he lies to himself.]

[suddenlybees]

No no no- Come back! Weren't we a team!?

[ He can't leave if Kano clings onto his arm again, don't leave him to have to spread out banana spit himself. ]

Your shoes are fine, aren't they?! They step in grosser things than bananas all the time!!

[deuteranope]

[NOPE, SORRY. NOT GONNA DO IT.]

You wanna lick my fucking boots, find a better way to do it.

[suddenlybees]

It's just some banana! I'll wash your shoes after!! If you won't stay and help, I won't ever leave you alone!!!

[ If he can't be persuasive, he can always threaten. And he possesses hateful persistence. ]

[deuteranope]

Think about the fucking consequences of your actions for once, maybe! Jesus fuck, how are you this fucking dumb?

[Whether he doesn't believe Kano or just isn't intimidated by the threat is a mystery. He's tenacious, too, and by this point he would still refuse just on principle.]

[suddenlybees]

[ He's this fucking dumb because he's breaking arms or getting hit in the head every other day. But it's something he's accepted about himself! It's fine!! ]

I'm thinking about 'em and I don't know what to do about 'em!! That's why I'm asking for help!! Find some pity!!!

[deuteranope]

[That stuff also happens because he's this fucking dumb!!!]

You don't know when to fucking quit, do you? Pity was me sacrificing my sheet, dumbass. You literally fucking spit all over my pity.

[suddenlybees]

[ He can't fix the fact that he's this fucking dumb!!! ]

Spit's just water! It can be washed off! We'll trade sheets! Don't be so unreasonable, Mav!!!

[deuteranope]

[All things are possible! Don't give up!

Even through his annoyance, he has to bark out a laugh at that one.]

Oh, that's real fucking rich. I'm the unreasonable one here! Besides, you can handle the rest of this yourself, if it's not such a big fucking deal, to you.